Appreciated (Club Indigo Book 3) Read online

  Chapter 7

  On Friday night, Paula staggered as she pushed through the front door of the café. She was holding two potted orchids. She'd chosen the yellow flowers because they symbolized friendship and new beginnings. It seemed fitting since Suzie was celebrating the rebranding of the café she shared with her husband and another friend. Suzie and Connor had bought out Sonja's former partner in The Savory Table, and Suzie had added her baked goods to the menu. The café was doing better than ever, so they had decided to rename it The Sweet and Savory Table. Paula scanned the room, surprised to see several people from Club Indigo. They mingled with the rest of the crowd like regular customers. She laughed inwardly. Why was she surprised to see them in a 'vanilla' setting? The room was nicely packed, and Paula was happy for Suzie. She'd worked hard and deserved the attention. Paula spotted her at the counter with Connor behind her, his arms around her waist. Paula felt a twinge of something. Could it be envy or longing? Certainly not. She worked her way through the crowd, balancing the orchids.

  "Hi, Suzie, Connor, congratulations on the reopening." Connor let Suzie go and took over the plants.

  The women greeted each other warmly and Suzie thanked Paula for coming and for her gift. After a few more pleasantries, Suzie indicated a familiar looking woman with beautiful dark skin. "Do you know my partner, Sonja?"

  The African-American woman stepped closer, and Paula realized she had seen her at the club. "We haven't met, but I saw you at the…the bar last Saturday." She extended a hand. "Paula Stone."

  "Yes, that was me." She shook Paula's hand. "I'm Sonja Madden, by the way. You were with Jim, right?" Sonja asked.

  "Yes, I was." Paula felt a bit uneasy. What was the etiquette when meeting kinky people outside the club?

  "Let's give other people a chance to talk with Suzie." Sonja smiled and guided Paula to a corner where it was quieter. "Don't worry about mentioning the club. We spent last Saturday relaxing like other people do, and the way we relax is nobody's business." Paula nodded. "We're just a group of friends who are non-judgmental and allow each other to explore and enjoy. That's what binds us together."

  Paula liked the sound of that and smiled back at the woman. Although they'd just met, she felt an undeniable understanding between them. It was almost as if they'd known each other for a long time. "Thank you, Sonja. It helps put it in perspective for me. It's rather overwhelming."

  Sonja threw her head back and laughed. "I remember how I was thrown for a loop when I first entered the lifestyle." She squeezed Paula's hand and bent to whisper in her ear, "I can still be, but that's part of the appeal of it, I think."

  Sonja excused herself when Suzie caught her attention. "That's my former accountant with his wife. I need to go talk to him."

  Paula watched the woman walk away. From her last remark, she thought Sonja was probably a submissive. Like Laura, Jackson, and Suzie, she wasn't weak or vulnerable in normal life. Giving up control must be relaxing for them. Was it something she wanted, too?

  "Good evening." The low baritone sent an anticipatory shiver through her body.

  She turned and her gaze met the bright blue eyes that belonged to Jim Cagney. They glowed with a possessive hunger that made her either want to jump into his arms or run far away. She didn't know which instinct was stronger. "Hi," she said, mentally cursing how pathetic she sounded.

  His eyes were dark and smoldering. Paula felt her pussy clench and pressed her legs together. She got goosebumps on her arms and a tingling feeling on the back of her neck. It was like when she was at the firing range. She would get tunnel vision, blocking out all distractions so she could focus on the target. Something similar happened now—in a room full of other people, the only person she was aware of was Jim. Her gaze was locked onto his. Even if she wanted to look away, she couldn't.

  The sound of crashing dishes broke the spell, and Paula tore her focus away and turned toward the noise. A server had dropped a full tray of used plates and stood frozen with tears in her eyes as the crowd applauded. Chris shouldered past them. She hadn't realized he was there in all the crowd.

  Chris spoke kindly to the young blonde. "It can happen, sweetie." The woman looked down and her bottom lip quivered. Chris placed a gentle finger under her chin and tipped her head back. "What's your name?" He wiped away the tear that ran down her left cheek and gave her a reassuring smile.

  "Y-Yvonne," The young server stammered with an accent that Paula couldn't place.

  "You'd better get a broom and dustpan, Yvonne," Chris directed. "I'll start the cleanup for you."

  As Yvonne went to follow Chris' order, Paula stared at the man, who had started picking up the broken plates. The way he'd taken over and pulled the woman from the verge of a breakdown had been what? Astonishing, impressive, sweet—maybe even sexy?

  "Okay, folks, the show's over," Jim said behind Paula. "Let's give them some space to clean up." He took Paula by the elbow and steered her away from the havoc. In a low tone, he added just for her ears, "That was an interesting exchange, don't you think?"

  Paula could only nod.

  Jim wondered what Paula was thinking. She'd been enthralled by the way Chris had taken over the scene, or so it seemed. How was it possible he'd never caught on to her submissive streak before? Could it be she was starting to trust him? Had he just not been paying attention to Paula while he was with Monica?

  The Sweet and Savory Table was still busy but not as crowded as half an hour ago, and Jim spotted an empty table near the kitchen entrance. He released Paula's elbow to place his hand at the small of her back and gently guided her toward it. It pleased him immensely when she responded to his subtle command as though she'd had years of training. One of the beauties of the lifestyle, in his opinion at least, was the way partners sometimes melted together as one during play. He wanted that deep connection beyond play. That was why the 24/7 TPE lifestyle was his kind of kink.

  "That was impressive," Paula volunteered.

  He smiled, and although he was pretty sure what she meant, he asked, "What was?"

  "Chris. I can't explain it. He was kind to her, but he took over and she—the way she relaxed." She blew out a breath. "Wow!"

  Jim stayed silent. He had the feeling she was still collecting her thoughts. He was convinced she was starting to appreciate the lifestyle.

  Paula made eye contact with him. Her open expression warmed his soul. "You know, I'm understanding this lifestyle and its appeal a little more every time I see it. The dynamic can be amazing."

  Thank God! She was still looking him in the eyes, her hands lying on the table between them. Jim placed his hands on top of hers. "How would you feel about exploring things further with me?"

  Paula gave him a smile that made her look younger, and she nodded decidedly. "I think I would," she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, "although I don't know what it would entail."

  "That's for us to discuss and decide. Draft a contract, create limit lists and such."

  "Why can't we just try? Why the contract? Kate told me it isn't legally binding. Why is it important?"

  Jim laughed at her barrage of questions. "You're a detective, even off duty, aren't you? No, a contract isn't legally binding, but it's important for me. Writing down our dynamic will help us open up our communication and the negotiation process is an important way to help our relationship grow. The second reason is to help us to get into the mindset, the fantasy."

  "To draw up a contract sounds scary to me. What if I don't like it?" Paula said.

  "If you don't like it, we can renegotiate," Jim answered with a squeeze to her hands. He hoped she found it reassuring. "How about we start with a three-month term?"

  "Three months is an awfully long time if we make each other miserable," Paula responded.

  "It sounds like you're convinced this isn't going to work, Paula." Jim allowed his disapproval to show in his tone.

  "I'm sorry, you're right. My track record with relationships isn't great, Jim, and I'm worried
about how this will affect our jobs, too."

  Jim hated to see her in pain. He was fairly certain Paula was the woman for him, but he could see that he needed to compromise. "Okay, let's do two months instead. You have to understand, for us to work as a lifestyle couple, we have to have some time to adjust. Two months is short, but I think it will be enough for us to decide how we want to go from there."

  "Would you ever want a relationship without a contract?" Paula cocked her head in a way he found adorable.

  "That's a hard question. I don't think so. If you'd asked me seven years ago, I would have asked you what kind of relationship needed a contract. That was before I was in the lifestyle and I had vanilla relationships. So who knows what I will or won't do ten years from now?"

  Paula nodded. "Okay, that's fair. I think I can handle two months." Her smile became more confident. Jim picked up her hands and turned them over to press a kiss to the center. He could have been Aragorn when Arwen arrived in Gondor with an army of elves to help in the battle against Sauron. Paula blushed at his attention. "So how do we go about all this negotiating? Could we go somewhere more private?"

  Jim wanted to shout his excitement from the rooftop at Paula's willingness to move forward. He contented himself with a wide smile. "Absolutely, we should do this elsewhere. Let's plan on getting together tomorrow. Could I have your email? I'd like to send you links to some reading material, sample contracts, limit lists, and so forth. That way, you'll be more prepared when we talk."

  Paula pulled out one of her business cards and wrote the address on the back for him. "I'll be glad to get the stuff to read ahead of time. Right now, I feel like I'm going blindly into a hostage situation."

  "It's all right. I promise we'll get you to a place where you feel safe and comfortable. Once we get the contract settled, everything will be easier. How about you come over to my place about two? That will give us plenty of time to talk, and we can decide what space will be yours when you move in."

  "Move in? I'm not moving in." Paula shook her head. "This is just a trial thing. Why would we be living together right away? I barely know you, Jim."

  Jim was disconcerted by Paula's response. Had she not understood anything about what a 24/7 TPE relationship was about? He took a couple of deep breaths before he spoke. "Paula, this relationship is meant to be full time. That's why they call it 24/7 Total Power Exchange. I don't know how to do that if we're not living together."

  "Maybe you should have thought of that before you decided I would automatically move in with you. It's too soon to talk about me moving in. If you want this relationship to be 24/7, you'll have to figure out how to do it with us not living together." Paula crossed her arms in front of her and raised her chin.

  "All right, all right. We'll figure something out." Jim realized he would have to go more slowly than he had hoped. "In the meantime, consider what this kind of relationship looks like to you and read what I send. Imagine what it would be like to leave the decisions to someone else. Consider the positives, not the worst case scenarios I can see running around in your mind. We probably won't finalize things tomorrow, so you can relax about that, too."

  "I'll try. This is kind of overwhelming. I've never come close to something like this before."

  "I know. We'll find a pace that works for both of us."

  "That sounds good. I need to be getting home now. See you tomorrow." Paula rose and started to walk away.

  "Not so fast, Paula. Rule two, when you greet me or say goodbye, you will always kiss me. Come here."

  Paula took a step in Jim's direction and stopped. "I'm not good at PDA. And I absolutely will not kiss you at the station or around any other cops. Nobody at work can know we're in any kind of relationship. And what's rule one?"

  "Please lose the attitude, Paula. We're not at work now. We can discuss that subject tomorrow. Right now, I'd like a goodbye kiss. I'm not asking for something out of a porn movie, just an ordinary kiss. I don't think that's unreasonable. If you think back to the night of the wedding, you should be able to remember rule one. Consider the matter and be ready to tell me tomorrow."

  "Okay. I'm sorry, but I did tell you I wasn't good at relationships."

  They shared a chaste kiss, and Paula was gone.

  Chapter 8

  Paula woke up on Saturday morning and thought back to the evening before. Had she really agreed to try a BDSM relationship with Jim Cagney? He was a cop. She had a rule. And BDSM? What had she been smoking?

  She got up and fixed herself a pot of extra strong coffee. She had a feeling she would be needing it. When it was ready, she took a piece of leftover pizza from her fridge and had her 'breakfast of champions' as she liked to call it. Pizza was one of the major food groups, after all.

  After she finished eating and was on her second cup of coffee, she woke up her laptop and checked her email. There was the message from Jim. It started, "Good morning, my lovely sub, I hope you slept well and aren't having second thoughts about last night. Here are some links to get you started on the journey we're going on together. Please start at the beginning. The first couple of articles should help ground you. Then I've included links for three different limit lists and several different sample contracts. I look forward to seeing you at two." He signed the message, "Your soon-to-be-Master, Jim."

  Paula thought for a few minutes. Jim Cagney was really hot. They had undeniable chemistry and she had always liked him on a personal level. It was only in the last few months that she had started to feel drawn to him and terrified of her feelings. He was also considerably younger than she. At forty-five, getting attention from a younger man was flattering, but she was no cougar. Was she willing to try? She could at least look at what Jim had sent. She didn't have to commit herself today.

  Three hours later, she looked up from the computer to realize her coffee was long gone and her neck hurt from being in the same position. She wondered if there was some sort of hypnotic effect built into the articles. She had read the ones Jim had sent first, but they kept sending her to other places. She read about Master/slave relationships so extreme the slave wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom without permission and others where the control seemed almost non-existent. Some couples didn't even live together. That had been an article she'd found on her own. She printed it out to take to Jim's. She refilled her coffee and continued reading.

  She looked over the limits lists and had a hard time making sense of them. What on earth was "consensual non-consent"? Who got their kicks from being denied an orgasm? Weren't they the point of sex? There were plenty of things to say no to. Blood and scat were immediate negatives. Watersports, too, once she found out what it was. She kept seeing two acronyms everywhere—SSC and RACK. Safe, Sane, and Consensual sounded like something she could handle. Risk Aware Consensual Kink, she wasn't so sure about. What kind of risks did it mean? Was this where the whips, chains, and abuse came in?

  Then there were the contracts. They were all over the map in terms of what they covered. Some literally dictated the slave's life twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. These, she knew she wanted nothing to do with. Others had clear roles on who did what in a household—cooking, cleaning, laundry, etcetera. She was surprised that all the tasks weren't necessarily assigned to the slave. That word again. There was no way she was going to be Jim's or anyone's 'slave.'

  Eureka! Here was a contract that looked like something she could live with. It didn't expect the sub to live-in, and the responsibilities looked like things she could deal with. She printed that one off to take with her.

  Paula poured the last of her coffee into her mug and put it in the microwave. Her rumbling stomach reminded her it was past lunchtime. She looked at the clock to see it was already 12:30. She would need to get moving. She pulled the last piece of pizza from the refrigerator and left the empty box for later disposal. It would be okay there until she got home. She continued reading as she ate and found a couple of sample contracts she thought they might be able to work from
and printed them out, then she went upstairs to shower and change.

  She dressed in black jeans that emphasized her curves and a long-sleeved button-down shirt. It was bright fuchsia, not something she would usually have bought, but somehow it had called to her when she'd seen it in her favorite catalog. She hated shopping and got most of her clothes online. She caught herself wondering if Jim would like it. Was she really that far gone on him to care what he thought of her wardrobe?

  At twenty minutes of two, she double-checked that she had everything she might want for the negotiation. Since he'd asked her to bring an overnight bag, she assumed he had evening plans for them as well. She surveyed her bedroom, the bed unmade and clothes strewn everywhere as she had struggled to decide what to wear. Well, it matched the rest of the place and she wasn't letting anyone in anytime soon. She'd deal with the mess later.

  She pulled up at Jim's condo with three minutes to spare. As she walked to his door, she wondered again about her sanity, but she had made a commitment to come this far at least.

  Jim opened the door at Paula's knock and had to check his desire to greet her with a wolf whistle. She looked gorgeous in her strong colors, such a change from the dull pantsuits she wore to work. If it were possible, she was even more beautiful than she had been at the wedding. The casual style and buttoned-down shirt appealed to him. One of the first things they would do would be to go through her closets and see what other treasures she was hiding.

  "Hi, I'm glad you came. Right on time and with your overnight bag, that's a very good start for us, I think." He ushered her in.

  As she looked around for a place to put her bag, he said, "Remember rule two, Paula? This is not a public place, so I expect a proper greeting."

  She turned toward him, eyes wide. "R-rule two? Oh." She took a step in his direction and he met her with a wide smile. He pulled her close and cradled her head between his hands. This kiss wasn't chaste at all. As their lips met, he took immediate control. His tongue demanded entry into her mouth and tangled with hers as she drove her own tongue forward. The give-and-take between them was more arousing than he had expected. He liked the way she gave as much in the kiss as he did. She might not like to show affection in public, but she did like to kiss.