Appreciated (Club Indigo Book 3) Read online

  Jim listened to her and thought about his response. They were in a professional environment and she was a colleague. Granted, they didn't work together on a daily basis, but they were still both cops. He rubbed his neck. "I don't agree with your assessment of their relationship. It's wonderfully balanced in my opinion. They fit together like two pieces of a puzzle."

  "That's what I don't get. Why the coercion?"

  Jim felt like she had slapped him in the face. "What coercion? Paula, there isn't any of that. Their entire relationship is based on careful negotiation. It's all safe, sane, and consensual."

  "But she's strong, smart, and independent." Paula stopped as his words sank in and her jaw dropped. "I've heard that phrase from Laura. It's a BDSM saying. How would you know that?"

  "Yes, she is all that, and so are you," Jim answered her first question as he moved closer to her and bent down to speak softly in her ear. "I think you might be submissive, too. Wouldn't it be great to have someone take care of you? To not always have to be in control of everything? Not to be on guard 24/7? To just let go?"

  Paula swayed on her feet, unconsciously leaning into him, soaking up his strength and his warmth. She wasn't even aware he hadn't answered her second question as she pondered what he'd said.

  "Okay, that's clear," Jim murmured, more to himself than to her.

  Clear as mud maybe. What's he talking about?

  "To answer your earlier question, I'm also in the lifestyle. I'm a member of Club Indigo, just like James and Laura."

  Could this explain his bossy behavior on the night of the wedding?

  "Did you drive to work today?" he asked her.

  "No, the weather was nice, so I walked," she answered.

  "When does your shift end?" She told him the time. "I'll pick you up after, and we can have that dinner you owe me."

  She nodded, dumfounded, as Jim turned on his heel and swaggered away.

  Chapter 5

  Paula had trouble concentrating the rest of the afternoon. She was worrying about her friends and Josh and wondering about Jim. She kept checking the clock, but time seemed to have slowed down to the speed of the internet at the police station. The last fifteen minutes, however, passed at the speed of her 4G smartphone. Paula shut down her computer and rose from her chair. She went into the bathroom on her way out. Why did she feel nervous about a simple dinner? Jim probably just wanted to talk about Laura, James, and Josh. She'd given lectures to classrooms of recruits, led investigative task forces, and interviewed nasty criminals. She could manage one simple dinner. While she washed her hands, she took stock of herself in the mirror. She wasn't a vain person, didn't use make-up or bottles of product in her hair, her clothes were professional if a bit boring. Paula shoved her still wet hand through her hair. Stop being silly, woman. Since when do you care how you look?

  She pulled her shoulders back and strode out of the bathroom with more confidence than she was feeling.

  "Ready to go?" Jim's voice startled her, but she covered her reaction.

  She gave him what she hoped was a confident smile. "Yes, I am."

  Jim ushered her to his dark blue Acura. Paula's face heated, and she sure as hell hoped she wasn't blushing as she thought of the last time she'd been in the car. So not a good train of thought!

  "Paula?"

  "Sorry?"

  "I asked you if Longboards was okay?" Jim studied her and she hurried to confirm that the restaurant was fine.

  She stole silent glances at him, admiring his skill while driving. She remembered how he'd danced with her at the wedding reception. He had the same kind of confidence with driving, not aggressive, exactly, but assertive and competent. He was in control of himself, the vehicle, and the traffic around him. Like he'd control—

  "We're here," Jim interrupted her musing as he pushed the gear shift into park. "Hold on."

  Paula froze with her hand on the belt buckle. Jim hopped out of the car and rounded the hood to open her door. She unbuckled and narrowed her eyes at him. "I can open my own door."

  Jim just smiled and his eyes lit up. "I'm well aware that you're a competent woman, but I want you to be able to relax and let go for a while. Trust me to take care of you."

  She eyed his outstretched hand, wondering what he was talking about. She placed her hand in his and let him pull her out of the car. He walked her to the restaurant and they went to the counter to order their wraps.

  While they ate, Paula's gaze kept going to her companion as though he looked better than her food. Even the way he held his wrap was sexy to her. How crazy was that? He lifted his arm and she sat frozen as his hand went to her face. His thumb swept over the corner of her mouth and she nearly started drooling as he brought the digit to his mouth and sucked the sauce from it. Her gaze met his and she almost drowned in his stunning light blue eyes.

  Without breaking eye contact, he placed his hand over hers. "We need to talk, Paula."

  She nodded.

  "Please tell me why you walked out on me?"

  Her eyes widened. He was going straight for the jugular. She was so not going to talk about that. "I had an undercover assignment."

  He didn't say anything, just dropped his chin to his chest while keeping his gaze locked on hers. Her seat became really uncomfortable, and when she tried to break his stare, he tilted his head and cocked one eyebrow.

  "I was embarrassed, okay?" she snapped at him.

  "I should punish you for your tone, but I think I'd rather reward you for your honesty," he replied. He looked so calm and composed, while she felt anything but. She wanted to growl at him or get up and leave, but she didn't want to make a scene in a public place. "You can keep glaring at me all you like, but you are going being honest with me. What were you embarrassed about, Paula?"

  "I don't sleep with cops." She tried to keep her tone moderate.

  To her astonishment, he smiled brightly.

  "You're a cop."

  "I am. You broke your rule." His smile got wider.

  "I can't break it again." She gripped her glass more tightly.

  "I don't see why not. As long as you don't break it with anyone else."

  Now, she really was confused. "What?"

  "Because," he tightened his hold on her hand, "I want you all to myself."

  She looked as helpless as Frodo when he realized he had to go to Mordor, only she was more beautiful. She had been rendered speechless and that wasn't an everyday occurrence. Jim pushed on while he could.

  "You and I have some great chemistry going on. I would like to explore that, Paula. We've been colleagues for quite a while now, almost friends. Let's see how good we can be together—inside and outside the bedroom." He stroked the soft skin of her hand. "I want to get to know you better, find out how we fit."

  Her eyes widened as his words sank in and she started to shake her head. "Oh, no. No, no, no. I'm not going to have an affair with you."

  Affair? Why would she think that?

  "I was thinking relationship."

  She stiffened and tried to withdraw her hand, but he wouldn't let go, afraid she'd run again. "I don't do relationships. I'm a one-night stand kind of woman."

  "Why?" He wished he could read her mind.

  "I'm not girlfriend or wife material. I like my sex with no strings attached." She stated it matter-of-factly. He wanted to challenge her negativity, but now was not the time.

  "You must want something more sometimes?"

  "Huh?"

  "Come on, Paula. We spent the night together less than three months ago. You're a sensual woman and you like sex. Have you been with anyone since then?"

  "Well, no, but—" she spluttered.

  He couldn't contain his smile. "Why do you think that is? Maybe our night together meant more to you than just hot sex?"

  She swallowed and tried to pull her hand out of his again.

  "Paula, stop it." She stilled, and he felt a rush of power at the way she responded to his command. "Did you like our night?"

>   She gave him a look that would have made more than one suspect confess, but he just held it. She was the first one to break eye contact. "Yes, damn it, I did."

  When their contract was in place, the swearing and that tone would earn her a double punishment like a butt plug and a spanking, or maybe he should take away her right to wear clothes. He needed to rein in his wayward thoughts. First, he needed to get her on board with the idea.

  "Enough to want more?" He hated to ask the question, but he had to know.

  "Yes," she whispered and looked down her their hands on the table, "but I don't think we should."

  "Why not?"

  "Because it's unprofessional, and when we break up, it will be uncomfortable. Believe me, after my divorce, it became almost impossible to work in St. Louis." Her voice was steadier now and she looked him in the eye again. "It got really messy and I was glad I could start again here in KC. I would hate to be forced to leave and start over again. Besides, I'm a Kansas Citian to the bones."

  "Why would you leave the Department?"

  "I don't want to leave. That's my point. If I stayed, I would be the cold-hearted career bitch and all the guys would side with you. They would make my life miserable and I wouldn't be able to do the job I love." Her voice sounded dull and flat.

  "Paula, look at me." He waited for her to comply. "If it would make you more comfortable, we could see each other without anybody knowing."

  "You think we can keep it a secret? I think you underestimate the gossip machine at work. Someone could see us here tonight, and it would be out in the open. If we did do this, whatever 'this' is, it would most certainly affect our jobs."

  "If we do this—if you want to do this—we would have a contract between us that defines the parameters of the relationship, including how public we would be. You're a very competent police detective and I would not interfere with that, Paula."

  "A contract?"

  "It's a very common thing to do. As I told you this afternoon, a BDSM relationship is based on careful negotiation, and most couples would draw up a contract. I'm a Dominant and have been active in the lifestyle for years, Paula. I would really like for you to try this with me."

  'I'm a Dominant.' Jim's words echoed in her mind. Wasn't that what Christian Grey had said to Ana before beating her? Okay, Paula, think! What are the facts? Laura, Suzie, and Kate are members of the club, too. Smart, independent women, who seem happy. James and Connor look like decent men.

  "What does 'active in the lifestyle' mean, Jim?" she wanted to know.

  "It means I have a BDSM relationship with the woman I'm with. We have a contract in place, which defines what we will and will not do and how we act around each other."

  "Why do we need to have a contract? Can't we just have sex?"

  "BDSM is about much more than sex, Paula." Jim sounded like she'd offended him.

  "I don't get it. I thought this was about having sex on a regular basis." Paula couldn't understand his reaction; he had brought up the sex part, hadn't he?

  Jim frowned. He opened his mouth twice to speak and finally said, "In a committed BDSM relationship, both parties negotiate what they want to include in their contract." He stroked with his thumb over her hand. "Like, if you are a service sub, we would define in what areas you would submit and serve besides the bedroom."

  "Wait, what? Does that mean you think I'm some sort of slave?"

  "I don't know what kind of submissive you are, Paula."

  "They come in different kinds?" A doormat was a doormat, wasn't it?

  Jim chuckled at that. "So many people, so many tastes. There are also submissives who aren't necessarily into service, but who benefit from guidance by a dominant in some area of their lives. I know that Laura runs regularly now because of James. One of the reasons I want to suggest a trial contract for two or three months, is so we can find out how we might fit together."

  "This sounds awfully complicated."

  "Why don't you be my guest at Club Indigo next Saturday, and you can see some of the different types of relationships there are?"

  "Why on earth would I set a foot in a club that objectifies women? I've been fighting for women's equality for years." Why couldn't he get this? She'd worked hard to be treated fairly in the police department. She expected it in the rest of her life as well.

  Jim looked like she'd thrown a stun grenade at him. "The club doesn't objectify women. Haven't you heard what I've been saying? BDSM isn't like that. We worship our submissives. Besides, not only women are submissive; men are, too."

  "You do? They are?" As the questions left her lips, Paula realized Kate had told her she was dominant and some men were submissive. She hadn't given it much thought at the time, being too preoccupied with her own concerns.

  "The inclination to submit or to dominate isn't gender specific, Paula. There are people in high power jobs, like CEOs and lawyers, both men and women, who like to let go and relax by submitting," Jim answered with a serious expression on his face. "It doesn't make a person weak. On the contrary, many submissives I know are very strong and capable."

  "I'll have to take your word for it. I don't understand it, and I can't imagine I'd like it," she replied.

  "Come with me and experience it, please. Give me a chance to change your mind." Jim lifted her hand to his mouth and placed a tender kiss before he let go of her hand. She felt the loss of the connection—his warmth had been more than just physical touch.

  Paula placed both her hands in her lap and leaned back in her chair. Go with Jim to Club Indigo? Did she want to go there? She'd declined Laura's offer to attend her collaring ceremony for a reason—she didn't feel comfortable with men whipping women for fun! She thought back to the conversation she'd had with Kate and what Jim had just said. BDSM wasn't about abusing women, and men were submissive, too.

  She remembered her one night with Jim. Although she'd freaked out the next morning, it had been the best sex she'd ever had. A big part of that had been his domineering manner, like ordering her to hold on to the headboard. Paula closed her eyes and pressed her legs together against the insistent throbbing between her legs. Yes, that had been freaking hot! Was it worth trying out this BDSM stuff for more of that great sex?

  Laura and Suzie both seemed happy to her, and neither was any kind of doormat. Maybe this stuff wasn't as crazy as she thought. She opened her eyes, met his ice blue stare, and answered, "Okay, I'll go with you next weekend." She was rewarded with a dashing smile.

  On Saturday night, Jim escorted her to the entrance of an industrial looking building. Paula's heart was beating fast with anticipation. If she was honest with herself, she was both dreading the evening and looking forward to it. Damn Jim Cagney for making her feel this unbalanced. She took a fortifying breath and rubbed her damp palms on her jeans. When she'd asked Jim about the dress code, he'd told her he would take care of it, whatever that meant. Maybe she was allowed to wear street clothes since she was a guest. Before she could ponder anymore, the door opened to reveal a familiar face.

  "Good evening, Kate." Jim kissed the beautiful redhead on the cheek.

  Kate smiled at him and returned his greeting, before turning to her. "Paula?" she exclaimed. "When Jim told me he would be bringing a guest, I didn't think it would be you. Welcome to Club Indigo."

  Paula let herself be pulled into an embrace and she returned it with warm affection. She might be apprehensive about the lifestyle, but she genuinely liked the people in it she had met thus far.

  "A few things we need to go over. Since you're here as a guest, you are not allowed to play."

  It turned out that she had to go over an extensive list of rules and had to sign a waiver and a non-disclosure agreement. The rules were both reassuring and frightening. She could understand rules about cameras not being allowed and condoms being mandatory. Rules about sobriety, cleaning equipment—whatever that may include—and no interference made a lot of sense. But—

  "What are DMs?"

  Kate was quick t
o answer. "DM is short for Dungeon Monitor. They're volunteers who make sure everything is safe, sane, and consensual. We also assist with the scenes if the Dom asks, or," Kate smiled and shot a glance at Jim, "if the top gets in over his or her head."

  "Top?"

  "I keep forgetting how new you are to the lifestyle, Paula," Kate said. "Dominants and submissives go by different names. A top simply means someone who is exercising some sort of control over another person, who we call the bottom."

  Paula nodded, although she didn't really get this strange world she was about to walk into. She continued reading the rules. She came to a paragraph about extreme play, including blood, golden showers, and scat. To her immense relief, all were prohibited in the club. Drugs weren't allowed, and although alcohol was, it was discouraged before play.

  "You guys don't mess around. It's easier to get on a plane," Paula joked as she signed the papers and Jim paid the night's fees.

  Kate laughed. "If you want to join the Club after tonight, you'll have to provide identification so we can run a background check as well as a recent medical report, but for now, this is sufficient. Enjoy your evening, Paula."

  Paula thanked Kate and let Jim guide her through a door into a hallway. Music from an opening ahead washed over them and she recognized the song. "Judas Priest?"

  "Do you like them?"

  "Oh yeah. I've listened to Screaming for Vengeance for years. Pain and Pleasure is one of my favorite tracks." She smiled as she remembered. "I drove my mother nuts with my obsession for the head-to-toe leather and studs look."

  Jim laughed. "Okay, metal head, it's good to know we have some music tastes in common, although I lean more to progressive metal and rock." He placed a kiss on the tip of her nose and it felt oddly sweet to her, given the kind of club they were in. "Let me show you the locker rooms. It's time to change."

  Before she could formulate any questions, Jim led her through a door and showed her where she could change. "Into what?"